My Attitude Lately

So in the story of jonah, God tells jonah to go to a city to tell them about God. This city is sinful, full of evil people that smoke crack and rape lil boys. anyways, Jonah thinks that they are stupid and wants them to burn, so Jonah doesn't go to the city, but runs away. God then forces Jonah to go back cuz jonah was wrong and blah blah. I kinda realized yesterday that i was being like jonah. i was talking to my mom and explaining to her how stupid everyone at AOK was and stuff. like people are so fking materialistic and stuff, its sickening. i told my mom that in AOK, people try to raise money for poor people, go on missions, sing songs about how they are going to be humble... but its all bullcrap cuz they are so fake and full of shit. like people are all pretending they want to help others, but then spend all this cash on shitty clothes and stuff. on top of that, everyone in AOk seems to immature and stupid. STUPID. there was another story in the old testament about the isrealites. so the isrealites are being stupid and just having sex and orgies with other unclean people and disobeying god. This one isrealite is like, raping some chick rite in front of a priest. so the priest gets pissed and takes a spear, and just kills the guy. God praises the priest. I told my mom that maybe we should just be harsher on people that are stupid and just pwn them. my mom responded by saying that priests were given authority over the isrealites, and that i God hasnt given me any authority over anything else. She said that if i see how stupid/immature aok has become, then its my job to tell them.
I think that ive just been stupid and blinded by the devil too. recently ive been thinking about how hopeless and stupid this world is. its all so crappy and full of crap. people are crap. i mean, fking highschoolers arent even making any money, but then they spend $80 to get their hair done, $400 on a dress, $100+ on dinner/limousines... and then they claim that they are good people that care about the world?! fuk, this money can educate half of africa and probably cure AIDS. i myself have started to become obsessed with detatching myself from materialism. Ive been heavily influenced lately by the philosophies behind Fight Club, where u gotta hit bottom and experiance chaos in order to break free from materialism/consumerism. you gotta lose hope in life first in order to break free from all this stupid selfish crap that society is full of. i got caught up in all this crap and hopelessness and forgot about what Jesus has done. i guess that i was running away from everyone i thought was stupid, similar to Jonah. ill try from now on to care about about brothers/sisters at church and not just ignore them and hope they burn. its kinda scary how anger and hate grows so fast and hardened my heart towards almost everyone in AOK. Also, after watching American History X, i realized how stupid hate/anger/wrath is. its all pointless. God loved us and saved us. there is no room for hate.

-Ivan (pray for me)

Philippians 2:3

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.”

This saturday driving home i got pulled over and was given a speeding ticket. I was pretty upset/depressed over this. Its gonna cost me a hefty amount of money AND a point on my insurance. So later that night I thought about my driving habit and attitude. Speeding... weaving... and other sorts of "dangerous" activities. Why do i do it? Because its fun, thrilling, improve my driving skills, etc. However, at the same time, i put many innocent lives at risk just for my own pleasure. what if i crash, what if i mess up? that would mean other people are going to take the tolls for my stupidity, for my mistake. So i have decided that from now on, i will drive in humility and in consideration of others. My actions reflect on my faith as a Christian. I am representing God, so i better do a good job at it huh?