Romans 12 - 13

oh wow retarded, i just posted like a bunch of stuff and my firefox crashed. ill do it later, its late right now and i should go to sleep. my firefox is crashing like crazy recently, lame.
finishing what i was saying

// i was like, what am i doing. Jesus told me to turnt he other cheek. "whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him tow. give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you..." (Matthew 5:41-42). So wasn't i suppose to give him the air pump, and the water too? lol. So I was like, "hey, you know what, sorry i blew up on you. you're late for work and you probably need it more than me." And this is a total stranger, so what i dont get is why i can be more loving to a stranger than to with us? When joe does one of his stupid crap, why cant i just let him take more? But as the brother I am also responsible to tell him what stupid crap he was doing. So that he doesnt experience "the wrath of God, for it is written, vengeance is mine, i will repay, says the Lord." This is so hard because of his/our self righteousness and pride. what "people" said IS true, we are incredibly proud when we're all together. [tired finish tomorrow]

RE: Death

Yea, i know exactly what your talking about but in a sense its so far stretched that its sort of irrelevant. God placed us here to do his work, if we just simply follow that then death is not an issue. Why would He put us here and have us die w/o having anything done? You overcome the fear of death and love for material things by having faith in God on a more micro basis: daily life. All that you do and believe shapes who you are. In example us, exactly. We DEFINATELY are not afraid of death, or else we wouldn't be hanging out with Joe so much. But is our lack of fear a good thing? In the grander scheme, I don't think so. We do these things for fun and adrenaline rush, but oh well if we die, its over, no pain no misery. Or is there? Is our heart pure enough to enter the gates of heaven? Do we actually trust in God to provide or just neglect our responsibilities. Have we had a good relationship with God. Did we do our daily devotions..... Where is our heart located? From what your talking about, i mean theres nothing wrong with it and i totally agree but it feels like your basing your faith upon that belief. God allowed us to have pleasure and enjoy ourselves, so why not? I think this goes back to how you prioritize things relative to where God is in your heart.

On a further note, my sister came home tonight and we were talkign about college. Of course we talked about the "social life" of college. Yea, both you and I know that were gonna go to parties and stuff but I think parties are on a shady area if you have control of yourselve, but what if you dont? You see that drunk hot chick who wants to screw you silly, how do you act upon that? You're downing 3,4,5 shots and all your friends are egging you on for more, when do you stop? Here is what im struggling with: Is it better to know whats wrong and still do it (in moderation) or not even know whats right? So my sister pointed out a very interesting fact about colleges and fraternities. They see "eligible" candidates and they recruit them, sometimes with very very sly tactics. They want you in their frat. ok, sure, you tell them maybe frat isn't for you. What they do is they get their hot sorority girls to ask you.... WOH different story. What happens? That is the epitome of college dilemmas.

Death

So u kno that Resolved conference thing that alvina went to, well she told me to listen to the sermons... all 12 of them... online... today while i was packing i listened to the first one. it was about death. it was pretty good. the main point that i got out of it, is that until we face our death and are not afraid of it, we cannot live the way God wants us to. So pretty much, You cannot truly live, until you have died. funny thing, is that ive been talkin about stuff like this with my school friends recently. in Fight club, the author also says the same thing. Tyler durdin puts the main character in a life-death situation and tells him to let go and let the car crash. Accept the fact that everyone is going to die. "on along enough time-scale, everyone's survival rate drops to zero" only after you die, can u live.
This makes sense, because only after we face death, stare it in the face, do the unimportant things in life really become unimportant. material comforts, luxuries, deserts, fancy crap become unimportant. The truly important things will be God's kingdom. when facing death, people dont think "oh sht, i should bought that purse". instead they think "heaven or hell. i want mommy." In the end, God is what truly matters. so ya, i kno we pride ourselves with having breeched death on multiple occasions with Joe and stuff, but take a second to think about how to apply the philosophy of this to our lives. To die rite now, so that we can live for God.

-Ivan

My Attitude Lately

So in the story of jonah, God tells jonah to go to a city to tell them about God. This city is sinful, full of evil people that smoke crack and rape lil boys. anyways, Jonah thinks that they are stupid and wants them to burn, so Jonah doesn't go to the city, but runs away. God then forces Jonah to go back cuz jonah was wrong and blah blah. I kinda realized yesterday that i was being like jonah. i was talking to my mom and explaining to her how stupid everyone at AOK was and stuff. like people are so fking materialistic and stuff, its sickening. i told my mom that in AOK, people try to raise money for poor people, go on missions, sing songs about how they are going to be humble... but its all bullcrap cuz they are so fake and full of shit. like people are all pretending they want to help others, but then spend all this cash on shitty clothes and stuff. on top of that, everyone in AOk seems to immature and stupid. STUPID. there was another story in the old testament about the isrealites. so the isrealites are being stupid and just having sex and orgies with other unclean people and disobeying god. This one isrealite is like, raping some chick rite in front of a priest. so the priest gets pissed and takes a spear, and just kills the guy. God praises the priest. I told my mom that maybe we should just be harsher on people that are stupid and just pwn them. my mom responded by saying that priests were given authority over the isrealites, and that i God hasnt given me any authority over anything else. She said that if i see how stupid/immature aok has become, then its my job to tell them.
I think that ive just been stupid and blinded by the devil too. recently ive been thinking about how hopeless and stupid this world is. its all so crappy and full of crap. people are crap. i mean, fking highschoolers arent even making any money, but then they spend $80 to get their hair done, $400 on a dress, $100+ on dinner/limousines... and then they claim that they are good people that care about the world?! fuk, this money can educate half of africa and probably cure AIDS. i myself have started to become obsessed with detatching myself from materialism. Ive been heavily influenced lately by the philosophies behind Fight Club, where u gotta hit bottom and experiance chaos in order to break free from materialism/consumerism. you gotta lose hope in life first in order to break free from all this stupid selfish crap that society is full of. i got caught up in all this crap and hopelessness and forgot about what Jesus has done. i guess that i was running away from everyone i thought was stupid, similar to Jonah. ill try from now on to care about about brothers/sisters at church and not just ignore them and hope they burn. its kinda scary how anger and hate grows so fast and hardened my heart towards almost everyone in AOK. Also, after watching American History X, i realized how stupid hate/anger/wrath is. its all pointless. God loved us and saved us. there is no room for hate.

-Ivan (pray for me)

Philippians 2:3

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.”

This saturday driving home i got pulled over and was given a speeding ticket. I was pretty upset/depressed over this. Its gonna cost me a hefty amount of money AND a point on my insurance. So later that night I thought about my driving habit and attitude. Speeding... weaving... and other sorts of "dangerous" activities. Why do i do it? Because its fun, thrilling, improve my driving skills, etc. However, at the same time, i put many innocent lives at risk just for my own pleasure. what if i crash, what if i mess up? that would mean other people are going to take the tolls for my stupidity, for my mistake. So i have decided that from now on, i will drive in humility and in consideration of others. My actions reflect on my faith as a Christian. I am representing God, so i better do a good job at it huh?

Thoughts 1-27-08

hey.
I was thinking, these past days i have no clue wtf ive been thinking/doing.
im pretty much throwing away what i have with alvina cuz of kinsey...
but then like u said, its hard for me to do anything cuz i have to stay "friends" with alvina...
i think ur right, it would be easier if i was dating alvina... but i dun think thats the right answer.

i duno, i just hope that i can hold together long enough to not do anything stupid that would hurt alvina. i guess its too late and ive already done alot of stupid stuff. i duno, im really tired rite now.

pray that ill have better self control/judgment. and that ill be able to resist blond chicks.

-ivan

Mark 1:1-11

We can learn from this that John is humble and we should be more humble like John. Verse 7 and 8: "After me will come one more powerful than I, the thongs of whose sandals I am not worthy to stoop down and untie. I baptize you with water, but he will baptize you with the Holy Spirit." Even though everyone is coming to John to confess their sins, giving John a lot of power, he views himself as nothing next to Jesus, whom is almighty.
Verse 11: "And a voice came from heaven: "You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased." Jesus is perfect.

Thought - 1/14/2008 - Monday

With all your heart you must trust the LORD and not your own judgment.

Always let him lead you, and he will clear the road for you to follow.

Proverbs 3:5-6

I think that this verse is what defines my struggle. Ive been trusting my own judgment.
From this day forth, I hope that I will have the strength and endurance to live my life as this verse describes. To trust the Lord with all my heart, and i disregard my own judgment. So may you too.

We meeting on Wednesday?

-Ivan

Further thoughts

The root of all problems: this whole ambiguity crap. True or false? I have no idea... But i do know i have sincere love for janice, for alvina, for you.. and all for God.
Problems:

• their parents: is it honoring? is it respectful? we need to find out. grow some balls and ask. i believe if they approve, then voi la.
  

• them: same question is it honoring? is it respectful? are we destroying their image, their reputation with this ambiguity? I believe so because they are being "cheated" by this half assed relationship. People think were going out, but were not... so they arnt deserving our full ...responsibility? We are not treating them like our girlfriends nor are we treating them as any other girl... so they are getting jacked.

• God: how could we possibly glorify God in this situation? Well, according to Jay's response.. dating is not mentioned in the bible.. so its kinda iffy. But dating/relationship is ultimately for marriage. But if your intentions are right, if you TRULY love this girl... then why do you have to be the "godliest" person? As long as you believe that God is in control of your life, you have the desire to seek the truth... to change, to tranform more Christlike then i believe there is nothing wrong with a relationship. in this partnership you will help each other develop and grow spiritually and "lead" her to worship God. What does it mean to lead her? I think what this means is that you will be the one holding fast. It is your responsibility to ensure of HER needs, HER safety, HER faith. Providing? Well, obviously we cannot provide for them...so what happens? We are only teenagers, how are we suppose to provide money wise? We dont. What we do/can provide is ourselves. We give them our sincerity, because they are a creation of God, and that is what we should provide for Him. intentions of the heart... what IS the intention of your heart?

-fred

Thought - 1/13/2008 - Sunday

I haven't been going about life with the attitude that i should be living with God's best intentions in mind. sorry.
i am weak. selfish. i duno wat im doing.
pray for my strength and that ill have gods intentions in mind before i act
pray that i'll have the strength, self control to carry out what God wants

-ivan

Luke 2:1-52

This is the story of the birth of Jesus. I think the main purpose of this passage is to remind us of how God continuously loves us. For example, verses 8-11, God told these shepherds about baby Jesus. If He had not, these shepherds would have continued the rest of their lives the way it has been, most likely full of sin and doubt. So in terms God had mercied these Shepherds with His presence. This story parallels our lives. Is that not true? God gives us trials, but He also mercies us. Life could be a lot worse but God decided it shouldn't be for God often reveals Himself to us in various ways.
In verses 29-32, Simeon says to Jesus:
"Now Lord, You are releasing Your bond-servant to depart in peace,
According to Your word;
For my eyes have seen Your salvation,
Which You have prepared in the presence of all peoples,
A LIGHT OF REVELATION TO THE GENTILES,
And the glory of Your people Israel."
I'm not exactly sure what "releasing bond-servant to depart in peace" means, but I think its saying Jesus loves us so much that He sacrifices Himself to be in flesh, to come down personally and show us the light. "A light of revelation to the Gentiles, and the glory of Your people Israel" a light of revelation to the Gentiles... it means He has shown His presence even to nonbelievers so that they may seek the truth. Why? Because He loves us.

Thought - 1/12/2008 - Saturday

So Alvina/Janice want to hang out with us on Monday, Feb 18th, which is Washington's birthday.
She said that we would be cooking stuff and watching a movie at her house and just hanging out.

I'm kinda troubled and have conflicting feelings inside. Actually, i'm very troubled about this.
Here is why:

1. Why are we hanging out?
• Sure u can argue that "theres nothing wrong with just hanging out with friends" but if u dont lie to urself and look at it, its pretty much a date. its like a halfassed date
2. Is this really glorifying to God?
• Are our intentions pure? do we wanna hang out just for fun and enjoyment, or are we really there to get to know them better and to keep ourselves and them pure for marriage?
3. If we havn't asked their parents to date them yet, should we really keep doing these halfassed dates?
• It is not really honoring to their parents if we disreguard them and continue to halfass date their daughters.
4. Are we ready to date them?
• Instead of doing devotions, we waste 3 hours trying to fill a co2 tank and talk about alcohol. we arent ready.

Im asking these questions to myself and im trying not to lie to myself. i duno wat to do.
i mean, i really wanna hang out with alvina and all, but i dont think its good for our relationship.
Same with u/janice. Keep praying about it.
stay pure.
-Ivan

Luke 2 - 1/11/08 - Friday

So our passage for these past few days is Luke 2.
The beginning of this passage just seems to tell the miraculous story of Jesus' birth.
Versus 1-38 did not really say much to me. They just seemed to talk about Jesus' birth and how angels, shepherds, priests/priestesses all glorified and honored Baby Jesus.
Verse 39 reads "When Joseph and Mary had done everything required by the Law of the Lord, they returned to Galilee to their own town of Nazareth"
I found verse 39 pretty interesting because it shows that Joseph/Mary really love God and did what God wanted FIRST before anything else.
Verse 40 reads "And the child grew and became strong; he was filled with wisdom, and the grace of God was upon him"
This shows that Jesus is... Godlike... but then again, i think that we should try and strive and put ourselves into that verse too, like "and Freddy grew and become strong; he was filled with wisdom and the grace of God was upon him"
Verse 41-50 talk about Jesus going to town, going to the church and then his parents leave to go home and lose Jesus and find him 3 days later at the church. His parents are worried and Jesus tells them "Why were you searching for me? Didn't you know I had to be in my Father's house?" His parents were initially pissed at him for ditching them without telling them. If this happened nowadays, i think that my parents would be pissed at me if i ditched them to go on a church camp or somethin for a few days without telling them; However, Jesus had pure and good intentions.
Verse 51 reads "his mother treasured all these things in her heart" I think that this also shows alot of faith. Mary does not really understand wats going on. Shes probably still pissed that Jesus ditched them for 3 days, but she still humbles herself to this little 12 year old (thats like, Deeds status...) and treasures what Jesus says and does.
Verse 52 reads "And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men"
I think that similar to verse 40, what if we put ourselves into this verse? what if it read "and freddy/ivan grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men"? i think that it would be golden if that were true.
There were many lessons learned from this chapter, but the most important thing, is to have Faith and remember that we too can increase in wisdom, stature and favor with God and men... strive towards it.